Maybe you’re thinking you should get a divorce. Maybe your spouse is thinking that way. Maybe it’s the one thing the two of you agree on in recent times.

You used to be in love, the two of you. Now you face the costly legal process, separation, and maybe a tough time for your kids, if you have kids.

I’m Dr. Ed Marshall, aka Dr. Ed, The Problem Solver. My wife and I have been married for more than 51 and a half years. We take it one day at a time. Do we have disagreements? Oh, yes, you bet we do. Do we get upset with each other? You bet we do. And, what’s underneath all of the disagreements and upsets? True romantic love. What does that mean? True romantic love is the maximum of caring and trust, along with physical attraction. It can only develop when the two people are attracted to each other and are comfortable being together most of the time. Having things in common makes the comfort level more likely to be strong and enduring.

It’s not that i have anything against divorce attorneys. There are couples who need them. I just want you not to have to go that route if it’s truly, underneath all the problems, not really necessary.

Would you be willing to ask your spouse to take part in a 45 minute meeting with you to get to the bottom of your troubles and back to the top of your relatonship? No cost! Entirely private! No need for a therapist or a referee.
Yes, you may very well save your marriage with a 45 minute meering!

This meeting is also described in my book, The Peace Prescription, available on the STORE page of this site, and is also in my Guide for Relationships also on that page. The truth is, you can just use this Blog for free, and you may not have to spend a penny to get results. The book and the Guide will still be there if you need them.

If your spouse agrees, here is how the 45 minute meeting works. You plan a time when the two of you can be totally private, such as by sitting in a car parked on a safe quiet street in the daytime. All cell phones and car radio will be turned off during the meeting. You each come to the meeting with two sheets of paper you have prepared before the meeting.

On one page, you list the Five Things You Like Best about your spouse. Think back to what attracted you to your spouse in the first place. What are your spouse’s best qualities that you like? Smarts? Smile? Sexiness? Looks?
Talents? Sense of humor? Reliability? Surely you can come up with the five things you like most.

On the second page, you list the Three Things You Dislike Most about your spouse. Think about what bothers you about your spouse. Substance problems (excess food, drugs, alcohol, tobacco, etc.)? Temper? Lack of patience? Affairs?
Other kinds of unreliabiity? Money issues? Surely you can come up with the three things you dislike most.

When your meeting begins, you exchange your Five Things You Like Best pages, and you both take a couple minutes to read the five things quietly and think about them. Then you take turns reading the Five Things and telling the other spouse your reaction to each item. Example, “I didn’t know you thought I was so smart!” Or, “I’m surprised that you like my smile that much”. Or, “If I had known you like my cooking that much, I’d be cooking more often.” Or, “It makes me happy that you think I’m so much fun to travel with.”

These Five Things lists get your meeting off to a positive start.

The next step for your 45 minute meeting is to exchange your Three Things You Dislike Most pages. Again you each take a couple of minutes to read the list quietly and think about those three things on the list. Then you take turns reading each of the three things and telling the other spouse your reaction to each item. Example, “So, you’re upset with my being messy. I had no idea.” Or, “You think I spend too much. What about your spending?” Or, “When we’re at a party, and I’m friendly with another man (or woman), it bothers you a lot. I’m not looking for dates.”

Now the third and final step: It’s time to bargain, trade, negotiate and make deals. “I’ll clean up after myself better, if you would control your spending better.” Or, “I’ll be more available for sex with you, if you stop flirting with others when we’re at parties.” Or, “I’m willing to be less bossy if you’re willing to be more open to my suggestions and opinions.” Or, “I’m willing to read Dr. Ed’s Guide for stopping my smoking (overeating, alcohol or drug problem), if you would stop nagging me about that issue.”

Will this meeting solve every issue totally? Not likely. Will both you and your spouse stick to every bargain and deal made at this 45 minute session? Also not likely. But, the fact that you’re both willing to pay attention to the love that underlies all of the issues, and the fact that you’re both willing to make the effort to behave in ways that help the relationship, is very positive. Working together with honest communication and effort can save the marriage, thousands of dollars, and remember: Divorce is always there as a last resort, but it doesn’t make sense as a first resort, in most cases, does it? What do you think?

You don’t need to time the meeting. 45 minutes will be enough for most couples, and more than what is needed for some couples. Results are what count.

Thanks for your attention to this blog post. I wish you and your spouse lots of true romantic love.
Your friendly problem solver,
Dr. Ed Marshall